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December 14, 2008

Flying next to Kubrick

Kubrick_young I once sat next to Stanley Kubrick on an airplane. After about 25 minutes of silence, he scowled at me. 25 minutes later, he extended his middle finger at me. Then he pulled out a portable chess set and asked if I played.

I was on the chess team in high school, I answered.

Good, he said. Let's play, you little twat.

He destroyed me. He knew all the moves. He pinned my pawns, he forked my knights, he deflected, he undermined, he zwischenzuged. With each move, he would hiss at me under his breath. Cock, he would hiss. Pussy. Asshole.

When I finally toppled my king, his lip curled with disgust. You call that a chess game? He asked. Tom Cruise played a better game. Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is a moron.

Then he ordered a flute of champagne from the stewardess. When it arrived, he dumped it in my lap. Later, Shelly Duvall told me he used to do that to her all the time

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December 14, 2008 in Best of Metafilter | Permalink


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