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January 14, 2008

…As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect

The_transformation This is an original post, exclusive for “Grow-a-Brain”.

Borger Mogron, mysterious Seattle Eminence Gris and publisher of Blue Guitar Press, interviews Dex Quire, author of The Transformations, A Tale of Modern Sin. In The Transformations a young man applies penis enlargement ointment to himself and promptly turns into a donkey. He goes through many tumultuous and wild adventures before happening upon the antidote that turns him back into himself.

Borger Mogron: I don't believe your book, the Transformations is fiction. It is too realistic, too graphic in so many ways. I think you really rubbed on penis enlarging ointment and turned into a donkey and had lots of adventures and then wrote about it. I'm like Oprah. I don't like my authors lying to me: if you're lying to me I'm going to cry.
Dex Quire: No. Save the tears. I really made it up. It's a pure work of the imagination. I felt I was channeling the spirit of Apuleius when I wrote it.

BM: Who's Apuleius?
DQ: He was a North African writer in Roman times; he wrote the original comic novel about a guy who turns into a donkey. Look him up on Google.

BM: Hmm. I'm skeptical. How did you come up with the formula of penis ointment leading to donkey transformation?
DQ: It was lying on the ground. I picked it up and ran with it. I mean, I was living in a downtown Seattle high rise and my neighbor, a terrifically wrinkled 80 year-old lady who walked with a cane, one morning, instead of greeting me with "Good Morning, Dex," scowled and shook her cane at me crying out, "My inbox is filled with penis enlarging spam!" I didn't know what to say but I remember thinking, "penis enlargement has gone mainstream."

BM: What about the drug trade? Actual drug smuggling. You seem to intimate more than a casual knowledge of. Confess!
DQ: Nope. Newspaper clippings, evening news, men's adventure magazines.

BM: What was your MAIN motivation in writing this book?
DQ: I thought, "Why should readers of Harry Potter – the kids – have all the fun? Why shouldn't adults have something fun and absorbing and racy to read?"

BN: I thought you were going to say to consume coffee in amazing quantities, to attain certain leisure and standing among the literati of your fair, rain speckled city, to run with the winds, to float on azured, mirrored seas while opium smoke dances around in grey-blue columns, hanging and nether-descending or ascending, for all time, ceaselessly.
DQ: Ah, no. That doesn't sound like me, does it?

BM: True, no it doesn't. What about Art – with a capital "A?" The Transformations seems to me a very Arty book.
DQ: None whatsoever I'm afraid. "Vast amusement." Put that down. I did try, a la Harold Rosenberg, to take a leap towards the Marvelous. That and the seduction of the grown-up, post-collegiate Harry Potter set, to my world of sex and fantasy. It is the untouched anus that tells no tales.

BM: Right. So this is gay erotica?
DQ: I wouldn't say that. In places, slightly gay, in a brutal sort of way though I think the newly-outed Dumbledore might be put off by the antics of the gay police stallions. But then we have the donkey lusting after all things female, females in love with donkeys, elephants pining for giraffes, you get the idea. I give the reader a range of options, to take away what they will. The reader may wish to dress in drag while reading my book, spinning about in nothing but a tutu, or nudely carrying it to their local teahouse, oblivious to the stares of the common street pedestrian.

BM: What about Canada? Will Canadians ever understand The Transformations?
DQ: Dubious. An entire nation exempt from the collective unconscious. Rumor has it you surrender it at customs before entering the country.

BM: How does one become a Human Being, Dex?
DQ: Read The Transformations. It is available at Amazon. It's also an ebook on Kindle, Mobipocket, Lulu and other ebook dealers…

(Thank you, Dex, for the book & for this post)

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January 14, 2008 in Books & Literature | Permalink


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The only true enhancement for the penis is a vagina.Unless you like the anus.

Posted by: matthew at Jan 14, 2008 5:13:01 AM

Looks like a hilarious novel.

Someone posted a video review on YouTube at


Good stuff...

Tony T.

Posted by: Tony at Jan 17, 2008 3:06:57 AM

Tony T. - what a great video! What a montage of photos...incredible. And a good summary of the book, besides. Do you know the maker? If so, please say thank you from me -
Dex Quire

Posted by: Dex at Jan 17, 2008 8:36:13 AM

My apologies, looks like they've updated that URL

The video review is here


Tony T.

Posted by: Tony at Feb 10, 2008 10:23:57 PM

I really apreciate it but is there any way to get all?

Posted by: Stop Nails Biting at Sep 14, 2009 12:28:49 PM

@Stop Nails

The Transformations is available for reading in full online @ Google Books!

Posted by: Beavis at Oct 23, 2009 8:47:15 PM