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January 13, 2005
Side Effects
Dosage: take two tablets every six hours for joint pain.
Side Effects: This drug may cause joint pain, nausea, head-ache, or shortness of breath. You may also experience muscle aches, rapid heartbeat, and ringing in the cars. If you feel faint, call your doctor. Do not consume alcohol while taking this pill; likewise, avoid red meat, shellfish, and vegetables. O.K. foods: flounder. Under no circumstances eat yak. Men can expect painful urination while sitting, especially if the penis is caught between the toilet seat and the bowl. Projectile vomiting is common in thirty per cent of users-sorry, fifty per cent. If you undergo disorienting nausea accompanied by migraine and raspy breathing, double the dosage. Leg cramps are to be expected; one knee-buckler per day is normal. Bowel movements may become frequent-in fact, every ten minutes. If bowel movements become greater than twelve per hour, consult your doctor, or any doctor, or just anyone who will speak to you. You may find yourself becoming lost or vague; this would be a good time to write a screenplay. Do not pilot a plane, unless you are among the ten per cent of users who experience "spontaneous test-pilot knowledge." If your hair begins to smell like burning tires, move away from any buildings or populated areas, and apply tincture of iodine to the head until you no longer hear what could be taken for a "countdown." May cause stigmata in Mexicans... Twenty minutes after taking the pills, you will feel an insatiable craving to take another dose. AVOID THIS WITH ALL YOUR POWER.
Do you remember watching The clouds? Do you remember lying there on top of the grassy hill and staring at the open sky? What could you see in those clouds? (From “Scary”)
"They said I wasn't being funny. And I said to them, 'I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow.'" —Jon Stewart, on his sniping match with Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala on "Crossfire"
.gif above from “3q2u”. A long List of Links That Will Waste Your Time or that are Simply Stupid Here
January 13, 2005 in Waste of Time | Permalink
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Comments
just stopping by to say hello!
You always have such great stuff!
:)
Posted by: michelle at Jan 13, 2005 7:57:57 PM
Stewart's comment was simply a paraphrasing of something Winston Churchill said. Stewart is not witty enough to use his own material. Jews that Anglicize their names have no class and less credibility.
Posted by: Mr.Zeitgeist at Jan 14, 2005 9:47:15 AM