« Lincoln Highway, Iowa | Main | Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here »
January 08, 2005
Pining for the fjords
Looking out over the East River from my jail cell, and still running for public office, I realize that I have taken several actions in my life for which I owe public apologies…
When I was twenty-one, I smoked marijuana every day for one year. I would like to apologize for the next fifteen years of anxiety attacks and drug-related phobias, including the feeling that when Ed Sullivan introduced Wayne and Shuster he was actually signalling my parents that I was high. I would like to apologize to my wife Karen, who still believes in me, and to the Marijuana Growers Association of Napa Valley and its affiliates, for any embarrassment I may have caused...
There are several incidents of sexual harassment I would like to apologize for:
In 1992, I was interviewing one Ms. Anna Floyd for a secretarial position when my pants accidentally fell down around my ankles as I was saying, "Ever seen one of these before?" Even though I was referring to my new Pocket Tape Memo Taker, I would like to apologize to Ms. Floyd for any grief this misunderstanding might have caused her. I would also like to apologize to the Pocket Tape people and their affiliates, and to International Hardwood Designs, whose floor my pants fell upon. I would especially like to apologize to my wife Karen, whose great understanding fills me with humility…
Finally, I would like to apologize for spontaneously yelling the word "Savages!" after losing six thousand dollars on a roulette spin at the Choctaw Nation Casino and Sports Book. When I was growing up, the meaning of this word in our household closely approximated the Hawaiian "Aloha," and my use of it in the casino was meant to express "Until we meet again"...
Elsewhere: Pre-date Confidence Builder
El capturo de Saddam and other News in Spanglés: Este weeko we markamos el one-year anniversario de el capturo de Señor Saddam Hussein, el most wickedo hombre en la entire galaxia
A long list of Hysterically Funny and Crazy Links Here
January 8, 2005 in Funny | Permalink
TrackBack
TrackBack URL for this entry:
https://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d8341c858253ef00d8350ca45f53ef
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference A Public Apology: