October 20, 2008
Bad to the bone
On the day I was born, the nurses all gathered 'round
And they gazed in wide wonder, at the joy they had found
The head nurse spoke up, and she said leave this one alone
She could tell right away, that I was bad to the bone
July 21, 2008
Autographed Copy of Plato's Republic
1st edition of The Republic signed by its author. There is of course a reasonable amount of wear and tear, (light highlighting and underlining, dog-eared pages, back cover missing, etc.), but it is in overall good condition considering its age.
More from Craigs: Update to Free Sod (Conclusion: I was astounded at the number of women who are in the market for free sod. As a quasi single man (don't ask) this really got my mind going and I am now considering ripping up my entire lawn and starting some sort of yardcare dating service), and Gorgeous 10X14 bedroom for rent - with a small catch
Mutton Chop Hall of Fame, Opelika, Alabama
February 24, 2008
"Ol' Blue Balls Is Back!" TV commercial
(This is a re-hush of links from August 19, 2004)
February 12, 2008
A guy gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. As the copper is writing up the ticket, the guy asks, "Can you arrest me for calling you a filthy name?" "Yes" replies the cop. He then asks, "Can you arrest me for thinking something?" "No" replies the cop. "Well then," says the man, "I think you're an asshole".
(Via the Funniest Joke You Know on Reddit)
Best Quotes from the past two weeks at Overheard in New York
Kerry demonstrates her Emerald female mask
January 19, 2008
Still, I was fairly confident that, not only that we'd met prior, but that there was something distinctly memorable about him, some unique characteristic that was eluding me at the moment.
Five minutes into the game it all came back to me …
October 24, 2007
Has anyone seen my muffin pan?
Phrases Commonly Used by 1950s Housewives That Were Often Misinterpreted by the Housewives' Husbands as Blatant Requests for Sex
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the United States Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed.
The small metal bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, which was abbreviated: "Wash. Biol. Surv." until recently when the agency received a letter from an Arkansas outdoorsman.
The letter read: "Dear sirs, While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag, and I want to tell you, it was horrible."
The bands are now marked "Fish and Wildlife Service."
I’m Reasonably Confident I Would Beat Ken Jennings in These Jeopardy Categories
July 13, 2007
From “Legends of the Chelsea Hotel” …I was waiting for the Chelsea elavotor one day…
True Romance with Splashing Jack
Extend the life of your print cartridge -- print blank sheets. Blank Sheet of Paper is a free online utility to allow you to print a blank sheet of paper from your printer in case you need a clean white, blank sheet of paper to write on. No download required
Butt-Out Tool makes field dressing easy
"The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother" and other W.C. Fields Quotes
Girl, you really got me going, you got me so I don't know what I'm doing
February 19, 2007
The immigration debate
The immigration debate blows up when the Pilgrims protest limitations to their rights in America
Other YouTube shorts from the same folks:
See all 11 videos on YouTubesky
The originals by Current TV
Elsewhere: So a Penguin Takes His Car Into the Shop...
December 25, 2006
Credit Card Scam. I got nailed by this scam last weekend and it still hurts - Be very careful!
6/15/05 by cartoonist Joe Sayers
Craigslist personal advertising a "Hot WM Looking 4 Same – 28" was accidentally responded to this Monday by its author, wardrobebuyer Stephen Mallory…
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
Re-post: How To Tell When a Relationship is Over Written & Directed by Tony Roche
October 01, 2006
I've always wanted to visit a wax museum and I finally got my chance. Perhaps I should have done it sober - Drunk at the Wax Museum
September 10, 2006
I’m with Stupid
Why mocking Bush is my patriotic duty - Bill Maher explains how cruel jokes about the president can stop terrorism. (Free registration needed). "Making fun of the president keeps this country safe. The proof? I've been doing it nonstop for years, and there hasn't been another attack". (The Real Time video from last night)
‘Save the whales’ trip cut short after boat rams whale, and other pix
July 11, 2006
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby…
Sent to the Wrong email addressee
Scott Batemans' Bullshit: The Movie
The obituary of Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark
Amautalab design studio!
Cow Girl Having Sex With A Gorilla (funny flash cartoon)
'Funny, but No'. The rejected ideas of Shoebox Cards
May 17, 2006
In a classroom
Bio of our New Jersey Facilities Manager
Wanna Learn English? (Language!)
Planet Dan’s Doggy Flip gif
February 19, 2006
Tested on animals
Steve Martin's Penis beauty creme. “Hi, I'm Steve Martin. With so many celebrities endorsing cosmetics these days, I wanted to make sure the cosmetic I endorsed was very special. That's why I'm proud to put my name on”... (But I can’t find any clips of The Great Flydini)
This room is full of people who think you are funny
Have you ever started laughing and couldn’t stop?
Do you need a new girlfriend?
This is The German Coast Guard
This Is the Title of This Story, Which Is Also Found Several Times in the Story Itself
Trailer for the World's Greatest Piece O'Crap Film Ever
July 20, 2005
Three deadbeat roommates for the taking -
First roommate is unemployed, antisocial, has poor hygiene, and has a slight body odor issue. Actually he has a major body odor issue, but since he is antisocial you will notice this only on the rare occasions he actually comes out of his room. He will accept any job that doesn't require good hygiene or social skills. Highlights include stinking so bad you'll think there's a dead body in his room, slamming the front door at two in the morning, and passing out naked in the bathroom. He does keep common areas clean, since he is rarely in them.
Second roommate is short, surly, and missing teeth. Missing teeth are not related to the fact that he is short and surly - but future missing teeth may be. He likes to be unemployed in the winters, but this does not significantly impact his financial situation as he also likes to deal drugs. If you like being woken from a sound sleep by a 2 AM phone call to see if you are "holding" this one's for you. Other highlights include late night confrontations with drunken asshole friends, missing food, late rent payments, overcharging for underweight packages, raiding your beer for his friends, and answering the phone half asleep when your parents call at 2 in the afternoon. he keeps his room neat and clean for the comfort of his friends and customers, but will make a mess of the common areas.
Roommate three likes to take long walks on the beach. Unfortunately he likes to do this with an ex-marine's current wife and follow up it up with late night freebasing sessions. He is friendly, and has a lovable toothless grin. Slightly wetbrained from years of excessive drug use, but more considerate than my other two roommates. Tends to ramble endlessly, but only when you are actually in the middle of something. Also likes to clean, but will ramble about the fact that he cleaned.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Mark A. Thomas. "Remember when we were dating and you had strep? we were about to break up and I was sick and tired of giving you money. You called me a bitch in front of the drugstore but then said you had a sore throat and I bought you some cough drops. You said "I'll pay you back". I knew you never would"
Also there: I have a fat ass. A lesson on train etiquette
14 Phrases Which Have Never Before Been Spoken or Written.
No 1: "So everybody give it up for my good friend Adolf Hitler!"…
No. 14: "If you don't let go of my damn Jello mold, F. Murray Abraham, you're going to wish you’d never set foot on this damn banana boat!"
Teen’s dying wish for Cameron Diaz not granted
Breaking news: A new group forming for people with attention defici HEY LETS GO RIDE BIKES