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August 27, 2007

Walking my dog

Walking_my_dog Ever see Martin Short choke on a donut?

… There's a lot of things you never see and you don't know you don't see em because you don't see em. You gotta see something first to know you never saw it. Then you see it and say, "Hey, I never saw that." Too late, you just saw it. I know things you never see. You never a Rolls Royce with a bumper sticker that says "Shit happens." You never a really big, tall, fat Chinese guy with red hair. You never see a wheelchair with a roll-bar. You never see someone taking a shit while running at full speed. And, you never see a picture of Margaret Thatcher strapping on a dildo.

Then there are some things you never hear. That makes sense, some things you never hear. You never hear this, "Dad, you really ought to drink more." Here's something you don't hear too often. "Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone." Here is something no one has ever heard ever. Ever. "As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off." You know why you never that? Right! No one ever said that. Which to me is the more amazing thing, no one ever thought to say that before tonight. I'm the first person in the world put those words together in that particular order. First guy. Number one. Here's something you don't hear too often. "Honey, let's sell the children, move to Zanzibar and begin taking opium rectally." "Mom, mom I got a big date tonight. Can I borrow a French tickler from you?"...

Deniro and Joe Pesci on Sesame Street (Language!) Also, Joe Pesci raps

A Huge Depository of Unusually Funny Comedians Here

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August 27, 2007 in Comedians | Permalink

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Comments

Ever proofread your posts?

Posted by: Matt at Aug 27, 2007 6:03:49 PM

Is it just me or are there many missing words in this article? Maybe I am missing something but it seemed difficult to read.

Posted by: CASEY at Aug 27, 2007 6:16:27 PM

Hej,
Jeg så ham kun spise den der dounut, da ikke få den galt i halsen :b
Er det ikke en fejl?

Posted by: Killah at Aug 27, 2007 6:31:03 PM

May I suggest Matt go take a flying leap?

I love Carlin rants. I used to have the album this was off of on cassette.

Posted by: vjb2 at Aug 27, 2007 8:57:48 PM

Matt,
The rant is copied from the original - You can listen to the actual show on the 2nd link

Posted by: Hanan at Aug 27, 2007 9:32:54 PM

"You never see someone taking a shit while running at full speed."

Grete Weitz did.

Posted by: PZR at Sep 1, 2007 11:03:47 AM