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July 31, 2006

I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium

Modern_man_george_carlin "...Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I’ve got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial…

…I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I’m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity..."

- George Carlin is a Modern Man

By the way, if you haven’t done so already, I am still interested in sending you 100 dollars... Less than 150 comments to go... Spread the word, please...

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July 31, 2006 in Comedians | Permalink

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Comments

Hmmmm. I wonder if I can close that italic tag...

Posted by: Patrick at Aug 1, 2006 10:47:43 AM

Guess not!

Posted by: Patrick at Aug 1, 2006 10:48:27 AM

Hello.

Posted by: YLlama at Aug 1, 2006 10:50:57 AM

Carlin's bit sounds like it was inspired by Tom Waits.

Posted by: Jeremiah at Aug 1, 2006 11:19:22 PM

Without matter, nothing matters.

Posted by: Dave Gafner at Aug 2, 2006 8:47:46 PM