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July 20, 2005

Three deadbeat roommates for the taking -

Monkeys First roommate is unemployed, antisocial, has poor hygiene, and has a slight body odor issue. Actually he has a major body odor issue, but since he is antisocial you will notice this only on the rare occasions he actually comes out of his room. He will accept any job that doesn't require good hygiene or social skills. Highlights include stinking so bad you'll think there's a dead body in his room, slamming the front door at two in the morning, and passing out naked in the bathroom. He does keep common areas clean, since he is rarely in them.

Second roommate is short, surly, and missing teeth. Missing teeth are not related to the fact that he is short and surly - but future missing teeth may be. He likes to be unemployed in the winters, but this does not significantly impact his financial situation as he also likes to deal drugs. If you like being woken from a sound sleep by a 2 AM phone call to see if you are "holding" this one's for you. Other highlights include late night confrontations with drunken asshole friends, missing food, late rent payments, overcharging for underweight packages, raiding your beer for his friends, and answering the phone half asleep when your parents call at 2 in the afternoon. he keeps his room neat and clean for the comfort of his friends and customers, but will make a mess of the common areas.

Roommate three likes to take long walks on the beach. Unfortunately he likes to do this with an ex-marine's current wife and follow up it up with late night freebasing sessions. He is friendly, and has a lovable toothless grin. Slightly wetbrained from years of excessive drug use, but more considerate than my other two roommates. Tends to ramble endlessly, but only when you are actually in the middle of something. Also likes to clean, but will ramble about the fact that he cleaned.

Roommates can be taken individually or as a set.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Mark A. Thomas. "Remember when we were dating and you had strep? we were about to break up and I was sick and tired of giving you money. You called me a bitch in front of the drugstore but then said you had a sore throat and I bought you some cough drops. You said "I'll pay you back". I knew you never would"

Also there: I have a fat ass. A lesson on train etiquette

14 Phrases Which Have Never Before Been Spoken or Written.
No 1: "So everybody give it up for my good friend Adolf Hitler!"…
No. 14: "If you don't let go of my damn Jello mold, F. Murray Abraham, you're going to wish you’d never set foot on this damn banana boat!"

Zombies Personal Ads

Teen’s dying wish for Cameron Diaz not granted

Breaking news: A new group forming for people with attention defici HEY LETS GO RIDE BIKES

Monkeys from ”Dean is Gay”. A long list of Hysterically Funny and Crazy Links Here

July 20, 2005 in Funny | Permalink

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Comments

Is that breaking news of your own invention?

That is funny Hanan. One of those rare jokes that require print and would not tell well.

Posted by: Steel Turman at Jul 24, 2005 2:01:11 PM

Nothing in this blog is of my own invention; All of it is linked elsewhere first (Unless so stated)

Posted by: Hanan at Jul 24, 2005 3:24:22 PM