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March 19, 2005

The Guy on the Couch

Steven_wright_half_baked “If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts”

Short clips from “One Soldier” and The Appointments Of Dennis Jennings

I Was Trying to Daydream ... But My Mind Kept Wandering

A long Onion’s AV Club interview, January 29, 2003

Short sound snippets from ”Half Baked”, where Steven Wright played “The Guy on the couch”

“Fake” Steven Wright sayings by Rod Schmidt:

I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

I had amnesia once or twice.

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. So I looked closer. It was made of grass.

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

Smoking cures weight problems... Eventually...

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

A metaphor is like a simile.

Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

A large collection of Steven Wright One-liners and other comedians Here

March 19, 2005 in Comedians - Steven Wright | Permalink

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